


I leave it to you

by Donkeys_pancakes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Descriptions of Injury, Hanji knows everything, M/M, Mutilation, My First Fanfic, Possible Spoilers, So please be merciful, humanities strongest and humanities last hope, hurt Levi, kinda angsty, maybe blood, sappy and possibly wordy, sappy levi, smitten levi is sad, white and black wing reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 09:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20043388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donkeys_pancakes/pseuds/Donkeys_pancakes
Summary: The roar of the explosion alone shook him to his very core and lit adrenalin throughout his entire body, setting off his survival instincts, while his brain was screaming at him to escape the light and loud noise the rest of his body was in a cold state of shockOR After the fight between Zeke and Levi, Levi has flashbacks and reevaluates his relationship with a certain ocean eyed monster.





	I leave it to you

Levi was suddenly enveloped in a bright and intimidating light that made his stomach sink and heartbeat thump in an anxiety-ridden symphony. The roar of the explosion alone shook him to his very core and lit adrenalin throughout his entire body, setting off his survival instincts, while his brain was screaming at him to escape the light and loud noise the rest of his body was in a cold state of shock, before he knew what was happening his body felt oddly weightless and the floor seemed to be knocked right out from under him. Levi didn't know when he closed his eyes but when he reopened them, he was met with endless blue, so so much blue, too much blue. It felt like the explosion not only unhinged Levi but also in one day rapidly decreased the speed of time because he felt like he stared and stared at the hypnotizing baby blue, so much and for so long that it reflected in Levi's monochrome eyes. It felt like he just got higher and higher to an unmeasurable height, it drove the air from his lungs and made the numbness seep even thicker in his limp body.

He closed his eyes firmly and tried to recollect his shattered composure. Levi thought of Zeke the look of terror in his blue eyes moments before he exploded. Levi was sure Zeke was dead, right? Any normal human being would have died after having just turned themselves into a human grenade, but humans don't explode on their own like that. Either way, the only thought in Levi's scattered brain was 'good fucking riddance.' the world around Levi tilted and sank, a heaviness resided in the pit of Levi's gut, he felt like he weighed twice that of his actual weight, As Levi plummeted to the earth below only one sentence was uttered in his damaged psyche and that was, 'If I fucking die because of Zeke-motherfucking-Yeager, I at least want to know if those shitty dumbasses achieved some kind of freedom, achieved something better then the bitter pain and suffering, achieved something good.'

Levi felt numb up until this point and even though the weight of the numbness on his limbs felt too much, the pain might have been worse. It started in the center of his spine and engulfed his body in a burning, unbearable pain that is too sharp and spreads to fast that it punches the breath from his lungs and causes Levi's parched throat to erupt in a coughing fit, that only makes the pain heat up and spread faster. He couldn't open his left eye without feeling like he was opening a fresh wound which he is now sure that he is, and he can barely move his left hand, Levi mentally curses at the prospect that he might have lost two of his fingers because of this shit. He squinted an eye open and was met with the tranquil baby blue of a sunny afternoon, he inwardly cursed the calm sky, after what just happened, after the endless war. Levi used to enjoy the bright blue that rested reassuringly above his head on the sunny days of the past, but now it made a sickening bitterness rest in the pit of his stomach, the calming blue had such falsity to it, that made Levi hate the war even more than he already had. He shut out the blue and closed his eyes, trying to steady his breaths, every fiber in his being was searching for some kind of stability to appease the ringing in his ears and the throbbing in his head. 

Most soldiers fear death, some can accept death while others run away from it. But strangely enough, Levi never feared death, even when at that moment with the pain pulsing through his body, his hazy mind acknowledged that he would die, that fact didn't bother him nearly as much as what would this inevitable fact bring? How would people react to the knowledge that humanities strongest soldier was out of commission, would they flee or would they tear each other apart in a panicked frenzy? And what about him, what would he do? Would he mourn the death of his late captain or would he feel nothing at all? Levi could practically see the awed turquoise eyes dazed, as steam wafted around him in intricate designs as it seeped out of the wound cut out of the neck of the monster under his feet. Levi huffed and cursed the calm that washed over him at the memory of the boy's dreadfully mesmerizing eyes." Even now after everything, I could never seem to forget you. You really are a stitch in my side, you know that brat?" he thought as he stared at the sky wistfully, took a breath and closed his eyes again.

\-------------------------------------

Levi watched as his pale fingers extended out in front of him, in a futile attempt to calm them, in return they shouted at him to stay back that the boy behind him could kill him otherwise, the sharp point of their swords gleamed a faint yellow glow in the sunlight, some had a slight tremble in the way they held their swords, the picture hazy from his memory, Levi could practically hear their anxiety-ridden heartbeats thumping in their chests driving them mad."No, it is you that should stay away," Levi had stated simply, coldly. Back then, back when the world was still dark and ill from the effects of the secrets they would soon discover, back in those times when the blue sky seemed lovely to look at instead of dreadful back before the dull and numb walls blocked Levi from the burning fire that once resided in the eyes of the man he had fallen in love with, the only thing they thought about was what was in the Yeager's basement. A part of Levi wanted to go back to being ignorant of the truth that resided just beyond that old wooden door locked by a useless golden key. But He knew that if the truth was never told then it would have been their end. 

Eren Yeager had been seen as a monster that happened to hold a power that could win them the one unnamed desire that ruled many hearts, freedom, a world without titans, a world where they had no fear of being eaten or losing their loved ones in between the teeth of a titan, a possible path to a happy future that no one spoke of aloud resided in a bright-eyed cadet with a plethora of internal issues. And even though it was nieve that was enough for him to try because that stupid brat was their only hope, and that was reason enough for him to protect him against his old teammates because the boy was Levi's hope.

\--------------------------------------------------

Dull candlelight flickered from the lantern hung on the cobblestone wall. Shadows of deep contrast played on the faces of the two as they sat two chairs apart with a thick melancholy in the atmosphere around them, the somberness emitting off his subordinate for an unfathomable reason made his throat tight and saliva thick, so he did something that he would have never done otherwise, he tried to lighten the mood."Erwin must be late, might be constipated or something." He stated dryly, and to his immense satisfaction, it seemed to work, even if he didn't get a laugh the amused huff still made him relax slightly.

" I'm sorry sir, I made the wrong choice. if I had made the right choice this would have never happened." Eren said with a slight tremble at the end. And the tightness in Levi's throat returned with a vengeance. 

"I told you we can never see the outcome of our decisions, all we can do is make the choice we will regret the least." Levi simply stated taking a sip of tea from his teacup.

Levi was never good with comforting others or just comforting words in general, but for some reason, Levi had tried to make the boy feel better if it were any other cadet sitting with him in that dimly lit dining hall he wouldn't have tried just told them to 'suck it up and move on.' But when he had gazed into the boy's sad eyes staring numbly at the wooden table in front of him, Levi had seen a piece of himself from years before, after he had lost Isabell and Farlen, he shut everyone out, he had built a stone prison around himself, it was unbreachable, unclimbable, and he was so angry with himself and the world around him. He had trained night and day and barely talked to anyone it didn't matter whether they were a fellow cadet or a commander he shut them out completely. But, back then he had a very stubborn Hanji by his side like some kind of fucking parasite, and slowly he opened up little by little. Levi had never wanted Eren to feel the same way he had, he didn't want the boy to drown in the unforgiving pool of grief and mourning like he had.

That was the moment Levi saw Eren Yeager as something other than just a monster, he saw him as a boy in mid-adolescence grieving over his comrade's deaths, a boy in a fragile state of well-being clutching to his thighs like that would bring them back, like that could make him okay again. He finally understood that Eren Yeager was a boy with the determination and passion of a monster, but he has the heart and compassion of a human being, Levi had seen the boy as so much more than before, he finally understood that at the end of the day they both mourn, they both bled, and they both would do anything to one day be able to walk outside those cold stone walls without the heavy maneuver gear strapped to their hips, to one day gaze at the stone walls from a different perspective, to be outside, he realized that they were both really just human. And Levi supposes that was the reason for his sudden need to comfort the boy, Levi realizes that he never wants the world to steal the fire that gleams in the boy's eyes as it had to Levi when he was far too young. Last thought that entered his mind was 'you shitty brat, don't ever lose that look in your eyes, don't ever change you, idiot, I won't let you." 

\------------------------------------- 

Hey, Brat, stop sulking, like a fucking kicked puppy, it's depressing, if you have something on your mind then spit it out already," Levi had said rather bluntly.

"A-ah, Yes sir!" Eren immediately straightened and continued "but, sir I'm fine really, there's nothing bothering me, but if I have concerns then I'll come to you first sir,"

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid, I may be old but I'm not blind you, idiot. I can tell when someones upset. Now sit down if you don't want to talk about it, then just talk about whatever you shitty brats talk about these days. I need a break from these documents anyway," Levi had said as he motioned to the chair parallel to his on the other side of his desk."Sit." the tone of his voice left no room for argument.

Eren huffed and reluctantly sat in the wooden chair.

Eren had started with small meniscal topics like talking about how Hanji's experiments were going, Then he talked about the new books Armin was reading, along the lines, the topic changed to talking about the world beyond the walls, specifically about the ocean. Eren had hammered on and on about the ocean. He leaned forward in his chair hands waving around in overexcited motions, his eyes were lit with a childish joy that had made Lavi's heart swell. It was a charming sight that had gotten Levi's full attention instead of the paperwork he had been working on. After the boy had successfully talked Levi's ear off, Levi had shoed him away to 'go bother some other poor fool or at this rate, you'll stick to me like a shitty parasite, you shitty brat,'Levi breathed in and out, and willed his heart to beat normally again.

This became a recurring event, Eren would come to Levi's office to chat his ear off about more small unimportant topics. Levi complained at times but there was no fire to it. But eventually stopped when it made Eren stop by less. By their fifth meeting, Eren started to open up much more, he would talk about more serious topics, during those times he was much more meek and it unsettled Levi seeing that side of him, he talked about how his mother died, about what it was like being a refugee and how we really felt when he realized he was the one creature he hated the most.

As time had passed Levi had at the time was plagued with a major problem, this problem wouldn't be considered as such by other people in different circumstances, the problem was in the form of the warmth that flooded Levi's chest and the butterflies that swarmed in the pit of his stomach at the mere sight of those bright eyes and the warm smile that rested on the golden face of his subordinate, otherwise known as a monster/titan-shifter named Eren Yeager. The predicament was pointed out rather bluntly by a stunned Hanji.

\----------------------------------

There was a panicked "Eren!" shouted right beside Levi's ear as his eyes were glued to the sickening rip and tear of skin, that wafted smoke into the atmosphere, Hanji ran into his view, yanking at the arms of the young titan-shifter, a terrible ripping sound was heard over the static that filled Levi's eardrums at the cold shock ran through his veins, there was plenty of smoke and the boy's head was dislodged from the nape of his disintegrating titan. What was left of the boy's face made Levi's gut twist and seemed to knock him out of his state of shock. Eren's golden skin was melting off his face and tendons and muscle was attached to the lower part of his face, they seemed to be the only things that still attached him to the titan. His jaw hung loosely, barely still attached to his face. Hanji was screaming but he couldn't hear what they were saying. He took in a shaky breath and stared down at the scene before him, he had reminded himself that Eren was going to come back from this, that he was going to be just fine, but that didn't shake the uneasiness that settled in the pit of his stomach, he breathed and kept an impassive expression on his face. Hands clenching at his sides so tightly it left pink crescent moons in his palms.

"Hey, Levi how is he?" Hanji said as they sauntered into the candle-lit room.

"Oh, yeah four-eyes he's doing fucking peachy, his face just melted off this almost ten hours ago," Levi said a little too loudly, he risked a glance at a sleeping Mikasa. letting out a relieved breath seeing her closed eyes. She hadn't left his side once, Levi had left her be but when she fell asleep he felt a need to watch over the boy in her absence.

"Listen, Levi, I know you seem to care about the boy, but you should probably rest its past one in the morning and Eren is stable he should be fine by tomorrow."

At that Levi had felt his rage fill his body making his fingers clench tightly, his ears and cheeks had a sprinkle of pink dusting them. He grabbed Hanjis four-arm and dragged them out in the hall, as not to wake the resting mother-hen.

" You shitty four-eyes am I the only one that gives a shit about that brat," Levi said with a little too much emotion leaking into his hushed voice. 

"No! Levi, you know that we care about the kid, and now we'll take a different course of action next time to avoid this from happening, but we can't stop these experiments these could further our knowledge of his abilities and his limits. It's beneficial." Hanji stated in a surprisingly serious tone of voice. Levi turned away from their guilty gaze and stared at the stone wall. 

Hanji remained silent but the look in their eyes told Levi what was going to come out of their mouth next. Hanji sighed and said "Listen, Levi, I know how you feel about the boy," That same irritatingly serious and rational tone that made Levi want to punch them.

"You don't know what you're talking about, you shitty four-eyes." Levi retorted. 

Hanji's signature smile and knowing gaze crossed their features, "Oh Levi, you're not fooling anyone, with the way you look at him when you think he's not looking, not only that but the way you're just generally gentler with him, like the time you gave him big fluffy blankets, you know the ones they only give to the COMMANDERS and CAPTAINS just because he was cold down in his cell." Hanji reasoned.

They followed up with "I thought I was wrong at first but now I'm 100% sure you love him,"

"Shut the fuck up you shitty four-eyes, you don't know anything. If you think that I love that shitty brat your even crazier then I thought."

"Oh, Levi..." Hanji fixed him with a teasing grin as their eyes held a playful light in them. 

Levi clenched his fists so tightly that he was sure he drew blood, he huffed in annoyance and stomped back to the room and had to stop himself from slamming the door in their face.

Levi remembered how he had denied it repeatedly not only to Hanji but to himself as well, because it wasn't safe to love that boy especially since Levi carried that mans life in his hands and at any moment everything could go downhill, and accepting that Levi was in love with that monster would mean that Levi would have to kill the love of his life without hesitation as he promised in that courtroom. Levi at the time thought it would be easier if he denied it enough then hopefully it wouldn't be true or it would go away and he could handle his responsibility without the burden of getting to attached. 

As Levi reopened his eyes, watching the baby blue sky, bleeding and possibly dying Levi supposes that the love he feels got him here, he thinks that his decision to sacrifice Zeke instead of Eren got him here. But, even now with the unbearable pain pulsing throughout his body, and his bleary vision that was spotting with black and white spots, and his broken heart aching for a better time than his brain had imagined, he doesn't regret his choice because there is so much they still don't know about Eren's purpose, and a part of him is at peace with that fact while the other longs to see what Eren's plan is, what does he hope to achieve out of all this death and destruction. If the boy he once knew is still there then Levi's sure that his plan will win them that freedom the boy once gushed over, if that self-destructive boy is still in that mans heart then this plan doesn't have Eren's well being and future in mind instead it has their future and happiness as the main concern. Because that is who Eren is he's an uncontrollable force that could leave you gawking or cause you to shake in your boots. And Levi supposes that's the reason he's considered humanities last hope even if nobody but Levi believes that now.

\------------------------------------------------

The cacophony of hooves grows louder and rings in his ears. The distant sound of a familiar voice can be heard growing closer at the same time as the sound of the hooves until the sounds are right above Levi's limp form he realizes that it's Hanji's voice going an octave higher in surprise then there's the sound of crunching grass growing closer to him, it stops and he feels a warm hand go under his neck and lift his body, so that he's cradled in someone's arms. Hanji's voice sounds like he's underwater and he can barely make anything out of what they're saying as he's being lifted and set in a carriage.

Even with the headache and pain pulsing through his veins, he felt eerily calm. But the solace he felt didn't feel right, it felt too soon with the war still in full swing, he felt like he should be worried and fearful of what's after death or that he should fight death head-on. But he didn't, he just laid there and for once in his eventful life, he allowed himself to rest.

If he did live another day, he knew he would have to see if Zeke really is dead or if Eren's plan succeeded, from afar. He didn't think he could fight after the injuries he sustained (even though he wasn't sure how bad they are,) he's not sure he can fight the same again.

Even if he couldn't fight anymore, he knew that if the boy he had met in that dim cell all those years ago was still there Levi will for once let the boy carry the weight alone, a large part of Levi's brain (or was it, his heart,) believed he could handle it because he knew that boy from back then could carry them to victory just like he carried that boulder on his shoulders so they could win their first small victory, the first of many, so whos he can't win again, for Paradis, for freedom, and for the ones that reside in his heart, Levi's sure Eren would do anything for their safety and their future,

As he imagined for one final time those ocean eyes with specks of gold, framed with thick black lashes surrounded of golden skin, and that smile that never failed to make Levi's heart skip a beat, the boy with a spit-fire personality that forced his way into Levi's heart, was the white wing in a symbol, he was humanities last hope, he was a monster, and he was so unbelievably human all at the same time, and Levi loved him. So as he passed the imaginary torch and wished his beloved luck. He let unconsciousness wash over him, greeted the darkness like an old friend and allowed himself to rest with one thought echoing in his mind ' i trust that you can make the right choice because you are my perfect, fearsome, and beautiful monster.'

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first posted work and I'm not the greatest writer ever but I hoped you enjoyed this anyway. This is a super sappy love story so if you survived it you're like the real MVP. I have a love/hate relationship with romance novels and then I give you this sappy crap and yeah I still don't like romance novels but get this I still read them and then write super sappy crap that makes me sick #Story of my life. 😂
> 
> Sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes I'm a mess and I didn't have betas 🤣  
(if you have any suggestions on how I can improve I'm happy to take them 😊,)


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